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After walking home from school one dusty afternoon, he quickly fixed his room to his liking and let the rest fall down to their own accord. Reliving the incident at school today, he took off for a quick shower, and then came back only to stare at the same dull mirror he faced everyday. He couldn't explain his feelings as he pondered over the very same incident over and over again. Was it triumph, knowing that he shook them out of their mindsets unexpectedly? Or was it insecurity, knowing that things would never be the same for him? But he didn't care. Right now, all he could think of was how he should rephrase his sentence for tomorrow when he confesses his love. Of course, some people may disapprove of him - especially his parents. But he's never been so sure of his life, never been as tactless as to kiss someone, so wild, so forbidden. He felt like the wild wind.
Hi. I'm Miguel, and I like boys. It's an everyday struggle - and I like it. If you're not comfortable with that, then slowly back away, and move on with your life. Should you be interested, or give a damn, read on to the next entry for the newest post. Thank you.
*If there is an insane need to tell me something, you can comment on this entry (should you prefer that over commenting on the other entries, seeing as I cannot make the tagboard work right now :/). I'll reply as soon as I can.
Currently feeling: starting over
Currently feeling: shitty
This has been bothering me from the first day I set upon college. I have this one blockmate (I can't name him or give him a nick - it's easy to spot him) who's really, well, appealing. He's likable enough, not quite the typical cute, Chinese guy I'd usually eye for a while, but he does have a whole lot of sex appeal - even the girls admit that.
No, it's not that (well, party, it is that), but its more on.. how he acts around me. He's utterly heterosexual - hair, hobbies, skaterboy look, sports, gym buff, beer, all the crap - and bipolar when it comes to homosexuals he comes in contact with. Sometimes, he snaps (especially when it gets a little too touchy feely), or non-responsive. He isn't totally homophobic in nature, I mean, he hangs out with me, too (which makes him partly weird).
My problem with him, is that he always picks on me. Seriously. Not high school type of jeering and endless psychological harm, just beat-around-the-bush, happy joking. But it seems that I'm always his target for the general part of the day - he never fails to point out how my hair looks emo or spiky, or how irregular my frame is, or just how gay I could get for wearing slim jeans. Of course, the other straight guys laugh with him (but it's okay with me, their my blockmates too, we're all close), and I guess that's normal. It's just that, the day never ends without him looking at me funny. Oh, and I just remembered the time when we still had PE, while waiting at the shower room, he keeps of babbling about my lack of abs and me wearing boxers instead of briefs. He didn't even bother asking why I didn't prefer boxer briefs (lol) when he wore those himself (yes, I was looking, WHY SHOULDN'T I? XD). See how seriously retarded he is?
I love the attention he's giving me, and give me hope on more types of guys like him (friendly straight guys :D), but, uh, I don't know what to say anymore. Oh yeah, of course I sometimes fantasize about him (not sexually, idiot, just daydreaming) - laying down on the field and just talking (he is fun to talk to, about techie stuff and games). But I know that'd never happen, 'cause he snaps at people who gets touchy feely, as I've said.
I don't know, but his actions towards me are warning me about the possibility that he's attracted to me. Yes, conceited, I know, but you have to admit, he really gives me way too much attention than the general amount expected. Sometimes I'd punch him (force of habit, when I react 'violently'), and then he says, "That's (number of how many times I punched him in a lifetime)! I'm gonna get you back. You choose, I punch you as many times, or I'll just surprise you with one hard punch. ;D" Everytime he says that, I can't help but feel a little giddy all of a sudden. And yes, I chose the first one, and when he punches back, he does it lightly, but I overreact (just for show), and then he's like, "WTF, that wasn't even a normal punch!" I guess that's why I like him so much (that, and the fact that he's the different type of 'buff' I'd expected to like :D)
Sorry for the rant, just releasing stress.
TOO RANDOM. DAMNED THING, BRAIN DOESN'T WORK PROPERLY. I GET IT. BUT NOT BOYS WITH EYELINER D:
-
When I arrived at McDo earlier today (Chino invited me for breakfast at McDo, and classe don't start 'till 9, so yeah), I, again, couldn't believe my eyes. When reality sank hard, I realized that Chino wasn't alone - he was with a few of his classmates. I tried to turn back, but as soon as my foot turned less than a degree,
Regil: Oy Chino, ayan na si Miguel o!
Chino: *looks* Heeeeeeeeeey.
All I thought was, What is up with the droning voice, Chino?
Me: Oh, um, hey.
And then he tugged me to follow him to their table (they were sitting on one of those high chairs aligned around a high table - really uncomfortable), and there I met..
Shim: Shim. Hiya. *raises hand*
I raised my hand back, for the sake of being polite. To be honest, I wanted some alone time with Chino, and that's what I thought I came for. It was unnerving to see another new face (though cute lol), I was still hung up with guilt from last time's conversation with Regil. Good thing he knows how to fake emotions (look who's emo :|). Anyway, I was about to complain about that to Chino, and then I felt someone grabbing me from behind. When I looked around, before I knew it,
Chino: PUTANG INA, SHIM! D:
Regil: O_O
Me: ... ._.
Shim: What? I felt like cuddling him! :D *squishes my waist*
Chino: STOP IT SHIM! D: *pulls Shim's hands away*
Regil: OY, SHIM, TAMA NA YAN. D:
I was about to react to Regil's outburst, but then Shim held me closer to him and whispered something stupid (he was just playing, I could feel it), and I sort of snapped at him,
Me: PUTANG INA, SHIM! LET GO OF ME! ._.
That shocked me, Chino, and Regil. I've never, EVER, said anything in Filipino (in a while, at least, besides names and food), let alone a cuss word! I didn't know I could curse in such a crisp manner, accent aside. I felt everyone staring at me, so I just laughed hard. Really hard. So I guess people thought I was crazy. Fuck them. Haha. :D I cussed in Filipino, a great achievement for me!
Chino: I didn't know you could--
Regil: Akala ko ba hindi yan nag-ta-tagalog? :D
Shim: HAHAHA :))
I thought it'd be pretty awkward, considering everyone was shouting. But then everyone got something to eat, and things got mellow and lax, so it was okay. When we were done, I tried making eye contact with Regil to signal that I wanted to talk to him, but he kept on babbling about some stupid plan he had to Shim. Chino just looked tired.
Me: Where have you guys been? You look really overworked.
Chino: Regil's house. Poker all night. :))
Regil reacted right away,
Regil: E kasi, ayaw magpatalo ni Chino :P Puro satsat!
Shim: Hahaha, kawawa nga sya kagabi, wala ng suot :))
Chino: STFU, man. D:
Me: Why were you naked?! *I couldn't help but imagine*
Regil: Strip poker yun e! :D
Shim: Bat ang saya mo Regil? Natira na lang sayo boxers mo e! :))
Regil: Gusto ko nga maghubad e! Macho ata 'to :D
Me: ... *dares to imagine)
And then it was already 9. Woo. Late. Thank you.
Currently feeling: RANDOM SHIT
